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afterwords archive
>	Are we on the air? By Linda Buchanan Wagner ’79
>	A generation in search by Nancy Obrien ’94
>	For you, A.J. by Ed Ziegler ’72
>	Whit one day, world the next by Marie Ranoia Alonso ’90
>	My brother’s keepers by Jim Koscs ’85
>	Can you say, “College is super-dee-dupor?” by Moira Jablon-Bernstein ’92
>	Project Santa from a New Perspective by Lisa Shea Linden ’86
>	The train to college by Dorothy Ciryak Clark Leonard ’76, ’84
>	Debating the future by Ron Weisberger ’65
>	A deeply-rooted relationship by Harriet Clevenger Lockwood ’88
>	Curtain or copy: a major decision by Susan Goodman Magod
>	The bear necessities of friendship by Qraig R. de Groot ’93
>	Special delivery by Darlene Beck-Jacobson ’74
>	A room of my own by Melissa F. Sherman ’86
>	The diploma by Ros Psolka ’90
>	Remembering Sabrina by Ros Psolka ’90
>	Who wants my 33s? By Jim Koscs ’85
>	Looking for a sign By Wendy Weber Crawford ’75, ’79, ’88
>	An ode to 27A South Main Street By Keith Forrest ’88
>	Our flag in the window By Lori Marshall ’92
>	Mail, mortality and American mettle By Brian Kass’85
>	Christmas trees in the Kremlin By Don Dunnington’97
>	Aimless and malcontent no more By Tim Zatzariny, Jr. ’94
>	Bringing the family By Susan Parker ’74
>	A little too soon for golden oldies By Keith Forrest ’88
>	Tale of a tile man By Sabatino Mangini ’01
>	Remembering Reagan By David Coyle ’81
>	Time well spent By Leigh Koebert ’97
>	Still a college kid... By Gregg Clayton ’81
>	What’s at the end of your “If only…”? By Carol Servino ’75
>	Catching the moment and the meaning By Casey Christy ’92, M’03
>	Starting at Glassboro, finishing at Rowan By Lori Samlin Miller ’77
>	Room to grow By Casey Christy ’92, M’03
>	Lifelong friends in spite of themselves By Patricia Quigley ’78, M’03

What’s at the end of your “If only...” ?
Mid-life opportunites and the sweet satisfaction of finishing
By Carol Servino ’75

hat can be worse than regrets? As I look back over the 30 years that I’ve been out of college and wish that I’d gotten my master’s degree or stayed in a particular job, I temper it with recalling all of the wonderful experiences I’ve had.

I fight the urge to play the “if only” game, which is pointless and unattractive. I’d rather be among the group featured in TIME Magazine last May: women my age who, in midlife, are prompted to action at a pivotal time in their lives. Crisis? I don’t think so. I’m looking at opportunities—and thanks to an 84-year-old man who I met six months ago and my supportive family and friends, I’m in a graduate school program.

Allow me to tell you about my man, Stan, but before I do, let me say that my husband, Jim ’78, and I met as communication undergrads during the 70’s “streaking” days at Glassboro State. He made a career of radio and I managed to find jobs that allowed me to write as we did our most important work together, raising our two sons, now both college graduates. We moved from New Jersey in 1982 and have been in Oregon for almost 20 years. Late last year, a month after our youngest son was married, I attended a religious retreat, hoping to find direction for the next phase of my life.

It was there that I met Stan Mills, a retiree, originally from Yonkers, New York, but now living in Sun City, Arizona. In the brief time we had together, I learned of his regret: not completing his master’s degree in philosophy. He said he’d been close to finishing but ran out of money, moved and never made it back. I also learned that the year he dropped out of school was the year I was born, a little more than 50 years ago! I took it as a lesson learned: some regrets never go away.

Stan told me he met with Saint Louis University officials and they confirmed he was close to completion. He thought he needed to live in St. Louis and planned to live with his brother, but his brother passed away and Stan thought his opportunity was lost. I tried to encourage him by saying, “If you ever do complete your degree, I’ll be there to cheer you on at graduation.”

If only… a month after the retreat, I was still talking about Stan and how I wished I could do something to help him. Using the Internet to find a contact at the alumni office at Saint Louis University, I wrote a letter on Stan’s behalf, unbeknownst to him. To my delight and amazement, I picked the right person and before I knew it, plans were in motion for Stan to write his thesis from his home in Arizona.

Using his old notes, Stan wrote his thesis about St. Thomas Aquinas’ “Theory of the Human Moral Act.” It was approved and SLU told him the rest of the story: that it was my letter that got the ball rolling. As promised, I flew from Oregon and was there cheering at commencement in a front-row seat. He was honored as the oldest graduate in the university’s history and feted at a special luncheon and at the ceremony. The story made the front-page of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch and was picked up by the Associated Press. It was featured in the summer edition of the Saint Louis University alumni magazine, Universitas, and on Mort Crim’s national radio feature, “Second Thoughts.”

And now, no regrets for me. I just completed my first online class toward a degree in professional and technical communications and got an “A.” Stan sent me a card of congratulations.

I have lots of people cheering me on and, while we joke that the goal seems so far away, I’m determined to do it in less time than Stan did. I’m sure my satisfaction will be as sweet.

______________________________
Carol (Salva) Servino is temporarily living in New Jersey while she’s enrolled at NJIT and working as a graduate assistant in the MS Professional and Technical Communications program. She hopes Stan Mills will be able to attend her graduation ceremony.